my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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