I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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