apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
