I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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