That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize