we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
