imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
