If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
