In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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