You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
