I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
