I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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