Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
