At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
