Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
