the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
