I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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