Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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