For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize