I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
