do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
