We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize