Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
