: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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