Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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