You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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