apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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