in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
