She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
