You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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