I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
