Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
high people should be assigned attendants
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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