Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
