"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
