Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
