I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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