Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
