Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
