what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
