I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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