We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
