Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
