Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
