I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
