and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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