i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
