Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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