Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
