I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
