bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
