Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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