I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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