forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
