He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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