i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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