he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
