Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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