i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
