I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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