So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
