Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
